So, I walked into the bathroom this morning. Not a public bathroom. Not a gas station off the highway bathroom. Not an amusement park bathroom. The bathroom in my house. And do you know know what I found? PISS EVERYWHERE!
How does that even happen? And I know it was my uncle who did it. What kind of grown man doesn't know how to aim? And even if you find yourself incapable of that task, what happened to wiping the seat?
WHAT HAPPENED TO WIPING THE SEAT?!
I just don't understand. I'm dumbfounded. The disgust level is just... so high.
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Oh, and if you're wondering why I'm dressed so dapper, it's because I had the flu and I'm still pretty sick. I was supposed to be going out today, but fuck that. Jessica was supposed to meet me over by the Junction because she has $20 for me, and let's be real, I need that $20. Being poor ain't no joke. But when I wake up this morning and ask her what time she wants to meet up, this is the response I get.
Yeah, not heading to Mom's house though. Would you wanna meet me at my house?
NO! No, I would not like to meet you at your house. I said that I was feeling less zombie today, sure. But I never said that I was feeling well enough to trek 45 minutes via bus, train, and burro all the way to your house while you rest in the luxury of your living room and patiently wait for me there. NO! I'm sick. Every time I cough it feels like rocks are rolling around in my head. So, I repeat, no. I would not want to meet you at your house. You can give me money later.
Am I a jerk? Who cares. I'm unwell.
