It's bleeding
It's bending
It's screaming
It's breaking
It's breaking
It's breaking

I don't want it anymore.

-----

What's real crazy to me is that I now realize that I am unable to cry. I hadn't noticed until now. I have been aware of the fact that I don't feel anything, but I thought maybe I was just getting better. I'm obviously a fool.

BUT I WANT TO CRY
AND I WANT TO SCREAM
AND I WANT TO BE UPSET
AND I WANT TO ACTUALLY FEEL WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING
I'M NOT A REAL FUCKING PERSON ANYMORE

I just realized that Barney deleted me from his instagram. Like, every trace of me is gone. I took a picture of a cake and put it on there and even the fucking cake is gone. And I understand that we aren't together and I'm not hoping for us to be back together. But he ERASED me. I was so insignificant to him that he took the time to ERASE me.

And for a moment it hurt. And then it didn't. And I realize my medication is working.

Because I'm not real.