The Other One

I know of 3 people personally who have killed themselves in 2017 alone

They had the right idea

Why do this?

I found a pretty good website. It lists all the things you should do/take care of before comittting suicide. I fully intend to do this right.

I think, since deciding that I’m ready to die, I feel a lot better. Why should I stress? I’m gonna die. Why cry? Why worry? Nothing matters anymore.

I didn’t think I’d live to 30 anyway

My sadness dwarfs my happiness. I don't know how to feel any other way.

My happiness is fleeting. Barely here long enough for me to cherish it.

Am I real?

...
...
...
What?

Excuse me.
What?

WHAT?

Cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat


SHE BETTER BE FUCKING OK

It's bleeding
It's bending
It's screaming
It's breaking
It's breaking
It's breaking

I don't want it anymore.

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What's real crazy to me is that I now realize that I am unable to cry. I hadn't noticed until now. I have been aware of the fact that I don't feel anything, but I thought maybe I was just getting better. I'm obviously a fool.

BUT I WANT TO CRY
AND I WANT TO SCREAM
AND I WANT TO BE UPSET
AND I WANT TO ACTUALLY FEEL WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING
I'M NOT A REAL FUCKING PERSON ANYMORE

I just realized that Barney deleted me from his instagram. Like, every trace of me is gone. I took a picture of a cake and put it on there and even the fucking cake is gone. And I understand that we aren't together and I'm not hoping for us to be back together. But he ERASED me. I was so insignificant to him that he took the time to ERASE me.

And for a moment it hurt. And then it didn't. And I realize my medication is working.

Because I'm not real.