I feel like a bag of shit.

But I can't cry

I had sex all weekend.
That's all I did.
Don't fucking judge me.
I don't want your looks.

Atypical Depression

 a subtype of dysthymia and major depression, sharing many of the symptoms of both, but also being characterized by mood reactivity—being able to experience improved mood in response to positive events. In contrast, sufferers of "melancholic" depression generally cannot experience positive moods, even when good things happen. Additionally, atypical depression is characterized by reversed vegetative symptoms, namely over-eating and over-sleeping, and separately by interpersonal rejection sensitivity.

"Hysteroid dysphoria" has been described in outpatient populations and is thought to be a subtype of atypical depression involving rejection sensitivity.

 Hysperoid dysphoria

a name given to repeated episodes of depressed mood in response to feeling rejected, and a craving for sweets, especially chocolate.

People with atypical depression also suffer from other psychiatric symptoms such as panic disorder, social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, or body dysmorphic disorder.

Avoidant Personality Disorder

People with avoidant personality disorder often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, rejected, or disliked. Avoidant personality disorder is usually first noticed in early adulthood. Childhood emotional neglect and peer group rejection (e.g. bullying) are both associated with an increased risk for the development of AvPD. 

People with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.

• Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism
• Self-imposed social isolation
• Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships^[10]
• Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus
• Feelings of inadequacy
• Severe low self-esteem
• Self-loathing
• Mistrust of others
• Emotional distancing related to intimacy
• Highly self-conscious
• Self-critical about their problems relating to others
• Problems in occupational functioning
• Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful
• Feeling inferior to others
• In some more extreme cases — agoraphobia
• Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts.

a type of mental illness, asomatoform disorder, wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features. The person complains of a defect in either one feature or several features of their body; or vaguely complains about their general appearance, which causes psychological distress that causes clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning. Often BDD co-occurs with emotional depression and anxiety, social withdrawal or social isolation.

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I know diagnosing myself with a disorder is dumb because I am clearly not a medical professional, but look at my life. How wrong can I possibly be?

There is a Marine sitting behind me with about 3 cans of Cherry Coke. I want to attack him, steal all of his soda and drink them over his lifeless corpse. This is all your fault.

Later.

I'm lazy.

This is the story of a boy. Who obviously has the memory of a fruit fly.

Let us travel back in time, shall we? To a time known as That One Party During The Summer Of 2011.

Setting: Some guy's party in Georgia. I don't even remember who's house it was. I wasn't all there [ifyouknowwhatimsaying].

At this particular party, I was getting ready to go back to New York and I was sitting with a friend in the driveway as penance for early departure. He was waiting for his ride. I was waiting with him. When his ride arrived, somehow he already knew who I was. Le gasp! How did that happen? I had no clue who this individual was and somehow he already knew my name.

We go back to the party and we converse and bla bla bla. And then he gets my phone number. And never calls! What do you know. Boys are notorious for that sort of thing, aren't they. And then he adds me on facebook! Followed by an array of sparing messages for about 2 months until he drops off the face of the earth. No big deal for me. Boy's are pretty much on a conveyor belt in my eyes. When one proves itself to be defective, I just put it back on the belt and wait for a shiner one to catch my eye.

Let us fast forward a few months. To... tonight actually. This person has just walked out of Illmont's doors. We had an impromptu party of sorts and this individual was here. What's even better was, this individual IGNORED me the whole time. Again, not a problem. But if you're going to ignore a person, then actually ignore that person. Don't come up to them at some point with some half assed greeting.

Verbatim:

Followed by a whole lot of laughter. Like... there was a lot of it. Because it was all too funny. As I write this, I'm still laughing. He's gone but his comedic gold still haunts me.