Once you realize that you can no longer establish what was once on the plate.

"Is that old ravioli, or was that fish?

 Please calm down. No one hates you and I'm really getting tired of you asking if we do.

Alright, so maybe this might make me seem like a bit of a stalker, but at this point that doesn't matter.
On some website with his picture, were the links to both his twitter and tumblr pages. The follow button burned with the white hot speed from which I clicked.

I just have one question to ask: Who blessed this boy?





Good lord.

And I was sad up until 2 minutes ago because a boy didn't like me. I can't even be mad anymore because the boy most definitely does not look like this one...

In in celebrity cyber-stalker love.

This stuff, whatever it is that I'm taking, makes me feel rather funny. I'm supposed to have one before dinner and then eat like normal, but it makes this black hole of my insides. Suddenly, it's impossible for me to taste this once-delicious Asian chicken.

And I can't think of anything more disappointing than the prospect of me not being able to taste my asian chicken.
Well, maybe I can. Not being able to taste my baked ziti... *gasp*

Banish the thought!

This is is the biggest sandbox I have ever seen in my life.

And I'm a grown ass woman.

This is the biggest slide I have ever seen in my life.

And I'm a grown ass woman.

Now with the added flavors of unfair and depression.

I should honestly be used to this by now. I manage to wrangle myself a new crush once every two months. Nothing about what I feel is new or foreign. It just seems to feel that way.

Yeah, so I have no problems with being pro choice. In the event that it turns out that Joseph knocked me up, I know exactly what I'm going to do. Head my pregnant ass right over to Planned Parenthood and pick myself up an abortion pill.

You see, I kind of have something against a person sticking a small vacuum cleaner up my business and sucking out anything it can reach. That's only the slightest bit intrusive, in my opinion. However, I have no qualms with taking some form of medication to allow my body to take care of business on its own.

The only thing I have to worry about is if abortion is covered by BlueCross BlueShield. My insurance would be rather handy in that situation. And if it doesn't cover it, Joseph and I will be having a rather interesting conversation. And this is how I'll imagine that it will go:

Me: Joseph, I'm pregnant. Give me money for the abortion pill.

Joseph: Okay.

For seriously. And I swear to BOB, if anyone dares stick a penis in me without a condom on again, regardless of who they are, I'm ripping it off.

I'm not emotionally or mentally stable enough to be bringing some bastard child into this world. I refuse to be responsible for anyone else's fucked up life.

Okay, seriously? This season is just completely out of hand. What are these girls even fighting about? She called you a 'dumb whore.' That's awful! But it's not okay for you to punch another girl in the face as retribution. That's just crazy!

These girls are all crazy!

Are you the smile that lights up a room upon entry?
No, I don't think that's what we're looking for.

Are you the aura that makes other people around you energized to know that you're near?
Oh, drat, I don't think that's it either.

Are you nothing but the ride mule?
Yeah, hit the nail on the head.

I'm nothing but the fucking taxi service around here. People don't want to hang out with me because I'm fun or exciting or even pleasant to be around. I'm the girl that only gets a phone call when someone needs a way to get somewhere.

"Hey, Ashley. We're trying to go to this party, and we wanted to know if you wanted to come!"

"Why, sure, friend! I'd love to come."

"Oh, well we need a ride to get there so, thanks a lot!"

"Ashley, are you doing anything today?"

"No, not at the moment. Why? Did you want to chill?"

"Well, I was just wondering if I gave you $5 you could drop me off at Al's house."


You know what people?
Do.
You.
Know.
What?!

I'm getting the fuck out of here.
Find yourselves another ride mule and leave me the fuck alone.